Postpartum psychosis: ‘I’m a thing possessed, an animal. I am nearly sectioned twice’

My name is Jessica. I have postpartum psychosis. It is not my fault. Since my son was born, I have slept nine hours in 11 days. I have heard of the baby blues, but this is something else altogether; this feels like the baby black and blues. This feels like oblivion.

I can’t stop writing. Every thought, every idea, the name of every person I meet needs to be recorded. I mustn’t lose this thought. It must be noted; kept; remembered. The world needs to hear my words. If they are lost, all will be lost. Record it. Record what I’m saying. Make sure it’s recording. This will go viral. It will make me a millionaire. You will never have to work another day in your life.

When I arrive at the psychiatric mother and baby unit in Hackney, I am a shell of my former self. Psychosis is bringing me to my knees. I gave birth 11 days ago, and since that day the devil has singled me out as his dancing partner and has not let me rest. I have not slept, I can’t eat without distraction, and the pressure of my speech is so intense that my throat is red raw. I have transformed. I am a small, fragile bird-like creature and my husband can do nothing but stand beside the me that used to be his wife. The me he still hopes is in there somewhere.

On the journey to the ward, I have nearly been sectioned twice. I’m on borrowed time. The police may need to be called. If my baby is taken from me, I don’t want to imagine what I might do. I am frightened to live inside myself. I am ill. I am a thing possessed, an animal, caged. Whenever I have a moment of relative lucidity, I cry out to anyone who will listen – “I am here, it’s me. I fully cooperate with you. I need help. I will take any medication you need me to. I am here of my own free will. I surrender.”

But, within seconds, the Thing takes hold again and drags me back out to sea. I lash out. I will not take those pills. Get them away from me. You are taking away my human rights. I want a lawyer. You cannot degrade me like this and get away with it.

The only thing holding me hostage was the psychosis within. This thing wanted to destroy me.

People always ask me if I knew what was happening when I had postpartum psychosis. The truth is that I was painfully aware of what was happening. Until I started taking medication, and felt numbed, completely zombified, and lost two weeks of my life, I felt everything, and was utterly powerless to stop it or stem the irrepressible torment of my illness.

The tremors of the psychotic quake still resonate throughout our lives three years later. It took me about three months in the mother and baby unit to recover enough to be granted leave to go home. My baby was no longer newborn and our house had adopted the chill that homes left standing vacant absorb.

I was determined in my recovery to speak out against the thing that had kept me captive and had sought to break me. This was when my blog was born, and it came screaming into the world, determined to name the horror and the beauty of illness and recovery; the war and peace of our experience. I refused to be silent. I would not be ashamed. The blog, Mutha Courage, was my attempt to piece together the impossible jigsaw of my fragmented reality, and work out what the hell had happened and how we could live again.

I am very proud to now be in a position to talk about what happened to me and to my family, in an attempt to open the conversation and to normalise our relationship to these traumatic illnesses and episodes. The horror of what we went through cannot be denied, but I also want to share the tremendous love, growth and power that such a journey can engender.

I always say that I won the psychosis lottery, because I got lucky even in the most unlucky of circumstances. I was lucky to have such incredible NHS staff to offer me love and compassion even in this darkest chapter of my existence. I was lucky to have a husband who could speak to my soul when my mind was not intact. I was lucky to have a baby who was so patient and calm even in the most turbulent of beginnings. I was lucky to have this illness and be able to speak out about how these experiences can ultimately lead to greater understanding of ourselves and those closest to our hearts. We cannot choose what happens to us. All we can choose is how we play the hand we have been dealt. I am not the only sufferer. I am not the only survivor. We are all warriors in our own battles.

During some of my most intense psychotic episodes I was obsessed with recording what I was saying, because I was convinced that the content was essential for the world to hear. Once I listened back to the recordings, I realised that I did want the world to hear them, but for a different reason. I wanted to share them, and our story, to give insight into the debilitating nature of mental illness, something that many people and their families suffer from, and to shine a light on a subject that has, for too long, been kept in the shadows.

Mama Courage will be on BBC Radio 4 on Friday 12 May at 2.15pm.

Postpartum psychosis: ‘I’m a thing possessed, an animal. I am nearly sectioned twice’

Postpartum psychosis: research reveals full recovery possible within weeks

Sarah West says in the days after the birth of her son in 2012, she felt the emotions many new mothers describe – a mixture of joy combined with anxiety about breastfeeding and whether she was doing everything right.

But around one week after the birth, West’s new-mum anxiety went into overdrive. Despite the exhaustion that comes with being a new parent, she was unable to sleep when her baby slept. Her thoughts raced.

Her doctor diagnosed her with postpartum depression and prescribed West antidepressants. But her symptoms worsened and she began experiencing delusions and hallucinations.

She was experiencing postpartum psychosis, a severe, rare and little-understood condition that can place both mothers and their children in serious danger. It is markedly different to postpartum depression, because mothers experience symptoms such as loss of reality, delusions and hallucinations. This can be accompanied by either mania or depression.

The temporary condition is debilitating, yet research into it is scarce, especially in Australia.

But new research being presented at the annual congress of the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists on Thursday found that if properly recognised and treated, women experiencing postpartum psychosis could make a full recovery within weeks and successfully bond with and care for their babies at home.

This is critical because left untreated or misdiagnosed, the consequences of postpartum psychosis can be fatal. In a small number of cases mothers may harm or kill themselves or their baby due the condition, which is beyond their control. The condition nearly always requires hospitalisation to protect the mother and her baby.

The study examined women admitted with postpartum psychosis to a mother-baby unit, Helen Mayo House, in South Australia, over a five-year period from 2012 to 2016.

It found the women often required one-on-one nursing care, and all patients received antipsychotic medication. A few also required lithium, a mood stabiliser.

This treatment saw almost all of the women make a complete recovery and able to return home to care for their babies after an average stay of four weeks, similar to the average stay for other mental health conditions. A key finding was the treatment saw 77% of the women still breastfeeding at the time of their discharge.

West received treatment after a friend told her she was not behaving like her usual self and called the National Perinatal Anxiety and Depression Helpline [Panda]. They advised that West should be taken to hospital immediately for psychiatric care, and West is now a strong advocate for the helpline.

After a four-week hospital stay which included being taken off antidepressants and prescribed antipsychotics, and visits from her baby for bonding, West was able to return home and care for her baby.

Her time in hospital and her period of postpartum psychosis remains a blur, and West says she is still not ready for her family to fill in the gaps for her.

“People can mistakenly describe what women like me go through as ‘baby blues’ or ‘depression’, but I was definitely not depressed,” West says.

“My anxiety went into overdrive, I was experiencing delusions and hallucinations, and really irrational thinking. But so few people know about the condition, and my obstetrician said I was only the second case of postpartum psychosis he had ever seen.

“I think all of the gaps in my memory is my body’s way of protecting me.”

As well as taking medication, West made changes to her lifestyle and learned to recognise when she needed time to de-stress. She has fully recovered and she and her son are now doing well. But West is still fearful of reactions when she shares her story, given the lack of understanding and empathy from some towards mothers who experience the condition.

Postpartum psychosis occurs in about one to two of every 1,000 births, and there is a 50% chance of recurrence in subsequent pregnancies. West wants other women who have experienced it to know there is support and treatment available. She also wants people around new mothers, including healthcare professionals, to be more aware of the symptoms so they can make an accurate diagnosis.

“I know women who are so traumatised from experiencing this that they won’t have another child because they’re terrified,” West says.

“I have to speak up because I don’t like the thought of other families going through what we did. This has to change and to do that we need better recognition of the condition.”

Dr Rebecca Hill from the Women’s and Children’s Health Network in Adelaide led the Helen Mayo House study, and says she believes a key part of the treatment of her patients’ was that the unit accommodated both mothers and their babies.

“While we didn’t specifically study this, my intuition is that it’s better for the mother and the baby to avoid separation because the attachment relationship is vulnerable to trauma when separation occurs,” Hill says.

“It’s distressing to think some mothers may be separated from their babies longer than necessary because they could not access proper treatment. Even a few days’ delay in treatment can expose them to substantial risk.”

But not all states have mother-baby units. In New South Wales for example, there is only one mother-baby unit, and it is only available to private hospital patients who are admitted to hospital voluntarily. Most patients Hill sees with postpartum psychosis are involuntarily admitted, and even Helen Mayo House only has six mother-baby beds.

West, who lives in NSW, agrees more mother-baby units are needed. She believes they may be able to help mothers with bonding and would see women receive more specialised treatment from clinicians familiar with the condition. She says general mental health wards cannot always provide the specialised care postpartum psychosis patients require.

The president of the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists, Professor Malcolm Hopwood, says the study shows the importance of identification and early intervention for women with postpartum psychosis.

“The good news for these women is that with the right care they can bond with their babies and care for them like any other new mother,” he says.

Hill says the causes of postpartum psychosis are unknown, with most of those experiencing it having never shown psychiatric symptoms before. It usually presents within the first six weeks after birth. Some research is under way into genetic causes, but this is in its early stages. An accurate diagnosis also means early intervention and monitoring measures can be put in place for any subsequent pregnancies, Hill says.

“For the vast majority of women they will only have susceptibility to this at the postpartum period,” Hill says. “Something at this time makes them exquisitely vulnerable. But the key is that once postpartum psychosis is identified, it is so, so treatable.”

• PANDA National Helpline, Mon to Fri, 10am-5pm AEDT, 1300 726 306


• Lifeline, 24 hours, 13 11 14

Contact the author at melissa.davey@theguardian.com

Postpartum psychosis: research reveals full recovery possible within weeks

If psychosis underpins comedy, that isn"t going to suggest it truly is in the genes| Oliver James

Julie Walters and Celia Imrie. ‘What is considerable about the BJP research is the hyperlink between personality traits and profession.’ Photograph: PA

The tears of a comic clown are a cliche. But a new examine in the British Journal of Psychiatry (BJP) gives hard evidence for them.

In contrast with non-inventive men and women, comics scored significantly greater on four psychotic persona traits, specially introvertive anhedonia (an inability to truly feel pleasure, like an avoidance of intimacy). The researchers level to similarities in what it will take to be funny and the mindsets of schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. The two need considering outside the box with manic velocity, and producing up unique connections. Actors also scored drastically greater on 3 out of the 4 traits but not on the depressive tendencies of introvertive andhedonia.

This is what I identified in the late 1980s, interviewing comedians for the Tv programme Room 113. Robbie Coltrane had been thumped about by his dad till the day he was big adequate to thump him back. Stephen Fry’s intellect and character had been severely belittled by his father. Ruby Wax had a mother who was so badly affected by hysteria and obsessive compulsive disorder that it virtually drove Wax mad. At the age of 5 Julie Walters came upon her father sitting dead in his armchair. Only Ben Elton had nothing severe to report.

What is important about the BJP research is that it suggests a hyperlink in between a specific persona trait and a certain profession. What is entirely lacking from the evaluation of the results is their wider which means, and that the exact way we are reflects how we have been cared for in childhood. We know that children’s fantasy narratives reflect the specific care they receive: the physically abused make up distinct stories from the sexually abused, who are diverse from the neglected. This connects closely with grownup signs and symptoms.

There are now a total host of research linking particular childhood adversities to grownup psychiatric symptoms. In specific, as a consequence of the under-reported and important operate of psychologists this kind of as Richard Bentall and John Study of Liverpool University, we know that certain varieties of childhood maltreatment are connected to specific adult psychotic symptoms. Bentall, for instance, demonstrates that sexual abuse correlates with auditory hallucinations, whereas erratic and emotionally neglectful care is associated with paranoia.

It is no longer defensible to deem particular personality traits or psychological illnesses as genetically triggered brain disorders. Emotional distress final results from undesirable items currently being done to people. If comics are psychotic or depressive, it is because of the distinct variety of maltreatment they suffered as young children.

Fourteen many years on, the Human Genome Project has been unable to identify distinct genes, or clusters thereof, which clarify the variance in populations in regard to schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, intelligence or any other element of human psychology. For illustration, a significant report was published at the finish of 2013 titled No Genetic Influences for Child Behaviour Problems from DNA Analysis. This obtained no media coverage at all.

What did get a good deal of coverage at around the same time was Prof Robert Plomin’s claim that certain genes have been recognized that clarify significant quantities of the difference among siblings in their GCSE exam performances. This was, very basically, with no scientific basis: no such particular genes have been identified explaining important quantities of the variance. There is a review of twins suggesting it, but not a single of certain genes.

The new BJP examine need to be a rallying get in touch with for study bodies to pour some of the £8bn that has been spent studying genes, into exploring how childhood care moulds our uniqueness. It is time to prioritise assisting mothers and fathers to meet the needs of their tiny children to help their future psychological well being.

If psychosis underpins comedy, that isn"t going to suggest it truly is in the genes| Oliver James

Psychosis and comedy: comedy is more complicated than that | Dean Burnett

I initial did stand-up comedy in 2004. I’d always appreciated creating men and women laugh, which led me to get element in numerous comedy plays and the like in college and university. I by no means had the nerve to try out stand-up even though, I simply wasn’t brave enough.

Then I spent 18 months embalming dead men and women for a health-related college, which actually does tend to alter your requirements when it comes to items you’re capable/prepared to tolerate, so I opted to give stand-up a go. What was the worst that could come about: I’d finish up in a area full of men and women not laughing at me? I commit each and every day in a space complete of men and women not laughing at me, at least these ones will still be breathing and have all their organs on the inside.

I signed up to do a quick 5-minute set at a neighborhood open-mic evening in Cardiff. The gig itself was a fun typical evening but based in a pub in the rougher side of town with a normal clientele who would possibly be provided their own undoubtedly-not-exploitative Channel four display if a producer had wandered in. I was meant to be the newbie in the middle, but on the night all the other acts cancelled so I was promoted to headliner, which was great. It went surprisingly nicely, all factors regarded. Afterwards, when telling pals and family what I’d carried out, the most typical response was “you need to be mad”.

In accordance to study published nowadays, this is real. A examine uncovered that, when asked to fill in a questionnaire that seems into psychotic qualities in “healthy” folks, comedians scored “significantly larger on all 4 types of psychotic character traits” when in contrast with the scores of actors and “non-creative” occupations. This obviously results in a amount of speculations as to how aspects of psychosis are beneficial for the innovative method, how components of madness make it less difficult to entertain a crowd and so forth.

It would be effortless to critique the report(s) by emphasising how science and psychology are more complex than that, as is my normal response, but ignoring the possible troubles with self-assessment, the reality that psychotic traits can be usually distributed in the population and other concerns, I thought it may be valuable to critique science’s knowing of comedy for a adjust. As that uncommon issue, a neuroscientist/psychiatry lecturer with a decade of stand-up encounter, I am possibly nicely placed to comment.

Most scientific scientific studies into comedy/humour endure from the fact that the researchers have their own definition of what comedy is, and several would disagree with this definition. Many comedians (myself integrated) have grumbled about the lumping together of all who do humorous things for an audience as “comedians” it is an amazingly diverse and varied artwork kind where everyone has their own tactics and type (apart from the gag thieves) and assuming all who do it are the very same and therefore comparable does nobody any favours. If a acknowledged fan of classical jazz went to a punk concert and complained that the music was crap, their motives and self-awareness would be questioned. But comedians often get criticised by folks based mostly on practically nothing a lot more than their personal preferences, as if they’re somehow accountable for this. So lumping collectively 523 comedians collectively in the research could not be as valuable as is implied.

Comedians are also compared to actors, presumably on the grounds that both perform for audiences. But acting and comedy are quite diverse crafts actors typically have to find out other people’s operate, execute very precise actions, and rarely acknowledge the audience. Comedians normally have to write their own materials and really considerably reply to the audience, which needs a distinct ability set fully. So it may not be a logical comparison right after all, but then no a lot more than the blanket label of “comedian”.

The one particular personal cited in the report is Spike Milligan, comedy hero and manic-depressive. But Milligan was a writer/actor/performer, not so much a stand-up, which is what several people think of when you say “comedian”. And as any person who has read his war diaries could tell you, it is implied that his depression and psychological problems stem from his wounding in WWII, whereas he would seem to have been a well-known comedic personality ahead of this point.

This also back links to questions of trigger and result. The research cites “successful” comedians, presumably focussing on people who at least make a living from doing comedy, so they should be very experienced at it. But as has been pointed out usually, undertaking anything at all often adequate will outcome in your brain altering as it gets better at this activity. Routinely writing jokes and amusing anecdotes that no person has nevertheless come up with in an increasingly crowded comedy marketplace will almost certainly give rise to a tendency for divergent pondering, some thing also noticed in psychosis. Could it be comedy that offers rise to indications of psychosis, rather than the other way close to?

There are undoubtedly a lot of other critiques to make about the paper, but it’s valuable to don’t forget that it is not just the science that can be oversimplified here, but comedy as nicely. And that is no use to any individual.

Obtaining said that, if “comedians are psychotic” becomes a widespread belief, possibly it will lead to a welcome reduction in annoying heckles.

Dean Burnett truly didn’t have time to write this right now but given the subject matter it seemed he was being trolled by science itself. He is on Twitter, @garwboy

Psychosis and comedy: comedy is more complicated than that | Dean Burnett

Successful comedians show symptoms of psychosis, study says

Comedians are capable to make men and women laugh simply because they usually show characteristics typically found in schizophrenics or these suffering with bipolar disorder, investigation published today claims.

Their talent to amuse men and women lies in having uncommon personalities and displaying what researchers say are higher levels of psychotic qualities, according to findings which appear to support the widely held belief of a website link amongst madness and creativity.

The outcomes are based mostly on a research of how 523 comedians from the United kingdom, USA and Australia described their personal personalities and beliefs when they filled in a questionnaire measuring psychotic traits in folks who are not troubled by mental sickness.

“The imaginative aspects needed to produce humour are strikingly similar to these characterising the cognitive design of men and women with psychosis – the two schizophrenia and bipolar disorder,” explained Professor Gordon Claridge from Oxford University’s department of experimental psychology. He is also a single of the three co-authors of the findings, which are published in the British Journal of Psychiatry.

“Although schizophrenic psychosis itself can be detrimental to humour, in its lesser kind it can boost people’s ability to associate odd or uncommon issues or to consider ‘outside the box’. Equally, ‘manic thinking’, which is typical in individuals with bipolar disorder, could aid men and women combine ideas to kind new, original and humorous connections,” Claridge added.

In the study, the 404 male and 119 female comedians filled in a brief on-line version of the Oxford-Liverpool Inventory of Emotions and Experiences (O-Life), which asks about schizophrenic and bipolar features. They integrated unusual experiences, which measures magical pondering, belief in telepathy and other paranormal occasions and a tendency to encounter perceptual aberrations, as effectively as cognitive disorganisation, which captures distractability and problems in focusing one’s thoughts.

It also covered introvertive anhedonia – a lowered capability to really feel social and bodily pleasure as effectively as an avoidance of intimacy – and impulsive non-conformity, the tendency towards impulsive, antisocial behaviour, which is typically linked to a lack of mood-relevant self-management.

Comedians’ scores were then compared to individuals of 364 actors and 831 folks in non-innovative occupations.

Although the actors scored higher than the general group on 3 of the 4 measures, the comedians came out “drastically greater on all 4 types of psychotic character traits” in contrast to them, the researchers reported. The actors emerged as not possessing introverted personalities, but the comedians did.

The researchers feel that the comedians’ mindsets as uncovered by their substantial ratings on all 4 counts helps to explain why they can entertain audiences.

Manic thinking, a attribute of bipolar disorder, emerged as one particular of their key traits. “It is straightforward to see how this can account for the relationship among the manic side of bipolar disorder and comic overall performance,” the authors say.

They cite the example of the late Spike Milligan, the comic and star of The Goon Present, who battled manic depression during his life. He “utilized the freely associating imagined processes of his manic states to create the zany humour and the wildly ridiculous tips that were the hallmark of his depression”.

Dr James McCabe, a senior lecturer in psychosis at the Institute of Psychiatry in London, stated: “The comedians in this review rated themselves hugely on divergent pondering, the capacity to make connections between seemingly unrelated ideas. Humour theorists deconstruct jokes to operate out what the factors are of profitable or humorous humour. In accordance to this concept the juxtaposition of ideas from different mindsets are at the root of what individuals find funny about the joke.”

However, the findings should not be taken as proof of a link amongst comic talent and psychological sickness, said James McCabe, a senior lecturer at the Institute of Psychiatry in London.

The research had found an association amongst the thinking styles of comedians and mania, rather than psychosis in the sense that psychiatrists would use the phrase, he additional.

Paul Jenkins, chief executive of the charity Rethink Mental Illness, stated: “These are exciting findings, but we must make positive we guard towards the ‘mad inventive genius’ stereotype. Mental Illnesses like schizophrenia can impact anyone, whether they are innovative or not. Our understanding and understanding of psychological sickness even now lags far behind our knowing of physical illnesses, and what we actually want is a lot much more analysis in this location.”

Sara Pascoe. Photograph: Graeme Robertson for the Guardian

How do I come up with my materials? Nicely, I get a day-to-day visitation from Christ, who is neon and glittery, he transcribes jokes for me which I then jot down in menstrual blood. Sarah Millican will get her things from an alien who lives in a freezer, whilst Katherine Ryan employs a total creating group of voices in her head. John Bishop has a spirit guidebook. Russell Brand gets his inspiration from being Queen Victoria. David Baddiel can study minds so he just records that, and Josie Lengthy can hear the dead.

Psychosis is a very provocative word, suggesting severe madness and disassociation with reality. This examine claims that comics have similar cognitive pondering styles as individuals with schizophrenia and bipolar ailments. And it is tempting to say “YES, that is what comedians are like, we are not standard, we are so special and innovative, Quickly put us in the attic and get remarried!” But we’re not that intriguing. Really minor of what we do is inspired. We perform tough on sculpting our routines. By means of nightly practice. What remains in a set and what gets reduce is primarily made a decision by the audience, whose reactions are essential inside of the innovative approach. Are they psychotic as well?

We take pleasure in the concept that artists are a little bit more unhinged than the rest of the populace, but I reckon it really is the nature of creativity that makes it possible for a a lot more childlike method to existence. If you did this O-Life check on youngsters they would all be hugely “psychotic” in their thinking. But appropriate jobs and grown-up lives train people to conform and hence they drop their more original youth viewpoints and behaviour.

What I am trying to say is that everybody I know who is truly, really great at comedy operates really, actually difficult. It truly is a occupation that regular individuals do. And I believe it truly is unhelpful for any individual to believe there is magic involved in being an artist. No one is created for it. Every single human currently being has a special response to life, and an artist is just some scamp honing their expression of that and becoming poor.

Anyway, muggles, stop trying to comprehend us, we’re too hazardous. Sara Pascoe

Successful comedians show symptoms of psychosis, study says