Young people and mental health: "Since diagnosis, I have taken massive strides"

Holly, 22, Sydney, Australia
I have suffered from depression and suicidal ideation since I was about 12. If my parents did not have private healthcare, I would probably be dead.

Vulnerable young people shouldn’t have to wait for months to see a psychiatrist, or to compensate for the lack of communication between specialists. Help-seeking behaviour should be supported and encouraged.

Young people in distress presenting to emergency rooms and hospitals should not be viewed as a problem. You don’t want us to kill ourselves, well, here we are. Mentally ill kids are often really intelligent. We can sense when you feel we are being a burden. Saying there are not enough beds, putting us in wards with elderly dementia patients or adults with drug-induced psychosis will ensure we do not ask for help again.

Malcolm Turnbull and Theresa May have the chance to make a real difference in the lives of vulnerable young people, who have a lot to offer the world in return. Don’t let us down.

Lindsay, London, 24
I am currently detained under section three of the Mental Health Act, and have been in hospital since 22 July 2016. Before this, I had a full-time job and always managed to keep my mental distress under control. I never imagined I would become a person to whom the psychiatric ward was home.

Amy-Hannah Charman, Cheltenham, studying A-levels
This poem was written in 2014 between two stints in psychiatric hospital with psychosis.

I want you to cry, I want you do die,

I don’t want to get hurt, I want to fight’

You need to hurt yourself so you can be free,

You need to ignore him, or in sin you will be,

If you don’t do what I say, I’ll make life hell,

You don’t want to slip; you’re doing so well,

Do this do that, you will be happier then,

Please just draw on yourself in a sharpie pen,

Arggg! Arrg! Cry cry cry,

Please! Please! I want to live life!

You’re a failure; this is not very hard,

Think of your friends, remember Mum’s card,

Cut cut cut, harm harm harm,

Relax relax, calm calm calm,

You need to scratch, you stupid cow,

Just go and find Mum she can save you now,

Cover your evidence, you must be sly,

Don’t do what he says, just look to the sky,

Listen to me, let me take over you now,

No I can’t, I need help, but how?

I hate you and you must hate yourself,

No I don’t want to get help,

You have nothing, nothing at all,

Actually I do like friends and all,

You don’t deserve to be happy like this,

Yes I do, think of that Taylor Swift gig,

You deserve everything I’ve done to you,

I don’t want this, I won’t listen to you,

I want to squish everything out of you,

Little, innocent me please shine through,

I will scar you and hurt you, I will do what I like,

I won’t let you win, I will always fight.

Caitlin Kitchener, 22, PhD student, York
It took an attempted suicide to gain access to therapy. I had been taking antidepressants for a few months, but they weren’t particularly working. It happened during the first year of my undergraduate degree and I remember being picked up in an ambulance outside the halls of residence, with people having a peek to see what was occurring.

Things worked out OK for me, but they didn’t for one of my best friends. She was utterly wonderful, witty, sassy, an absolute star of a woman. After my suicide attempt, she didn’t let me sleep alone for a week and made sure I looked after myself. She even helped arrange a surprise birthday party just four days after my attempt. Underneath all this charisma and humour and kindness was someone who was dreadfully sad. In the third year, she killed herself. She had attempted before, gone to hospital, had a review with a therapist, but faced excruciating waiting times. During her four-month wait for therapy, while she was also waiting for access to university services, she killed herself.

No one from the university or the NHS should be blamed. Maybe reduced waiting times wouldn’t have stopped her. But I can’t help it when I sit on her beautiful memorial bench to feel anger towards Tories whose actions are having real-life implications.

Anonymous, 19
I’ve had depression on and off since I was 11. Over the years, I’ve tried various coping mechanisms: self-harm, restrictive eating, bulimia – you name an unhealthy coping mechanism, and I’ve tried it.

The one that’s been the most constant is alcohol. It’s now got to the point where I’m drinking a small bottle of vodka pretty much every day, sometimes as early as 9am. Needless to say, this doesn’t help my depression, but I’m too dependent on it to give it up. I know I’m in desperate need of professional help, but it terrifies me thinking of my friends and family knowing I’m depressed. I worry that people will be awkward around me, feel guilty for not being able to help me or utter the dreaded phrase: “What have you got to be depressed about?”

I hope that one day the stigma surrounding mental health issues will be non-existent and I will have the courage to deal with my problems in a healthy way.

Anonymous, 17
At secondary school I was taught about religious education, maths, science, English and a plethora of other subjects. But there was one thing missing. After countless sleepless nights, and episodes of self harm, depressive thoughts and suicidal ideation, I had no idea what was wrong with me. I went to the top of a car park and watched the people walk past below like nobody in the world cared.

A woman spoke to me and saved me. After that, I got a correct diagnosis. Learning about mental health and that it is OK to ask for help is important.

Anonymous, 23
Over the years my depression and anxiety has come and gone in waves. After a friend who was having similar problems was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome, I visited a doctor and told him my symptoms. He laughed at me and said I simply had social anxiety, and put me on beta blockers.

When I was at university, a different doctor suggested I see a counsellor. After the first session the counsellor said she’d follow up and make a second appointment, which never happened. My confidence was shook, and I tried a second service. The session went well, and she said she’d make a second appointment for me. She never did. I was convinced that they didn’t think I was worth their time.

I called a mental health charity, when my depression got particularly bad. They arranged a time for them to call back and do a full assessment. They never called back.

I have a great family, and got a first in my degree, and a distinction in my postgraduate degree. Still, I constantly feel numb and almost completely emotionless. My few friends have all cut ties with me for unknown reasons.

Dolly Z, New Jersey
As a young adult, I wanted to share my life’s journey with mental illness in verse.